When I was a little girl, I had dad; and the world was a big large place; but it was ONE large place and not a divided fragment of little places. In that world, I was ME and others were ‘WHOEVER THEY WERE.’ There was no right and wrong way to be. Things and people just were and accepted as they are. Almost everything was accepted peacefully in that world except things that made sentient beings (or anyone who can cry) cry.
I had only friends back then.Everyone I knew was a friend.The only difference was that some were my closest friends; I invited them home,spent vacations with them and shared my deepest secrets (Something like ‘I know how to reach the cookie jar’). Then there were those who were close. I shared my tiffin with them, played only with them and helped them with schoolwork and vice versa; and then there were those who were just friends.We played together sometimes if they were lonely or otherwise only smiled at each other. But all were friends.
We were friends because there were no differences between us. If there arose differences we knew how to reach an amicable decision that benefited all. Like if there were four girls who wanted to play lock and key and two who wanted to play hide and seek, we played lock and key first as we were majority and then the later half of the play time we played hide and seek. It did not feel good to have friends who sulk you see. I myself did not like to play while sulking either.
We expressed ourselves very passionately; by refusing to talk, by making sad faces or by giving smiles. There was no relation that could not be healed with a chocolate, a comic book or maybe helping in the maths class. Relationships were not fragile. A little difference did not create a permanent crack in it.
In that world, if I made a mistake I was not tagged as the girl who made that particular mistake. I was told, it happens and everyone is prone to making mistakes. In that world, if I opened my heart out to someone, I was not judged. I was accepted. Because we all knew how it felt to be judged. We all have had at one time been asked to stand out of the class where children of other classes and our favorite teachers could see us. So amongst us friends, we never judged. We accepted each other. In that world, if i faltered and I was scared, I was shown how to calm down; because we all had been scared when we first went to school or forgot our homework and we understood how it felt to be scared. We never pushed someone to fall. If we could not help, (maybe because she was only a friend and not a close one) we informed her close friends to help her. But we never pushed someone to fall.
Life was sorted out back then. If only school courses had no maths and science classes, more free game periods and longer vacations life would have felt completely perfect.
Now that I have grown up, I don’t have my dad. He moved to live in a star. The world is not one large place but a divided and hostile fragment of many little places. In this world, people do not relate to me as I am. Everyone has a social identity. The world too at large has changed.
I cannot relate to this world nor to my identity; because I am still me and for me others are still whoever they are. I still have only friends, hate maths and look at the world as one large place.